An abusive relationship is an intimate relationship (married, co-habiting, same best ai porn sex partners) whereby one partner (the abuser) uses various methods to exert control and power over their partner (the victim). If you are reading this article, it is very likely that you know or suspect that you or someone close to you is in such a relationship. If you are at the point where you are just suspicious, I strongly encourage you to read on because one of the ‘symptoms’ of being in an abusive relationship is denial, which hugely minimises and justifies the abusive behaviour. Although it is commonly thought that most abusers are male, this is in fact not the case at all. So this article covers both female and male partner abuse.
What types of abuse are there?
Physical abuse
This takes the form of pushing, choking, hitting, kicking or any form of aggressive physical contact. This could also include threats of such violence or damage to surrounding property in order to vent (punching walls, kicking furniture, throwing things etc).
This is the type of abuse most of us think of when we think of abusive relationships. We also usually think of the battered wife. Contrary to popular belief there are nearly an equal number of ‘battered’ men. These men are just as vulnerable as women because they are equally likely to suffer serious physical harm, but apart from this, there are very limited resources to help such men, they fear not being taken seriously, and because of their nature, they would find it difficult, if not impossible to discuss such a problem with friends or family.
Physical abuse is quite an easy form of abuse to recognize, but there are other very insidious forms of abuse that can keep the victim tangled in the abusive web without realising they are in fact a victim. I use the word victim with trepidation here because the word victim somehow suggests weakness and helplessness. I want to be very clear here. I am using the word victim here meaning ‘injured party’, and nothing else. The victim will have feelings of ‘weakness’ and ‘helplessness’ but that is not the reality. The victim is, in fact, the stronger party in the abusive relationship but the dynamics of the abusive relationship have given the abused the perception that they are weak, which is what needs to be healed. Now let us look at the other more insidious forms of abuse.
Financial abuse
Financial abuse is where one party uses finance to control their partner. This could take many forms. It could be that you have to continually ask your partner for money when you need it for normal household expenses. Or your partner could spend large amounts of money putting your household in debt, or simply leaving a very small amount of money at your disposal. It could be that you have to constantly justify what you have spent to your partner even though there is more than enough to go around. Or your partner may hide their assets so you have no idea how much money they have.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse is where your partner resorts to name calling or undermining you verbally. This could take many forms such as calling you stupid, or ugly. It could take the form of blaming you for all the challenges in the relationship, or any events that your partner does not like. It may be that you are regularly judged and criticised by your partner or even humiliated in front of family and friends.
Emotional Abuse
All forms of abuse are insidious in nature, but this form of abuse is particularly so. This could take a huge variety of forms so I will mention just a few examples. In all abusive relationships, it is important that the victim is isolated as much as possible. This allows the abuser much more control because the victim loses the support of loved ones and friends. So the emotional abuser will try to restrict access to friends and family. This could be done by arguing with friends and family and then poisoning the victim against their loved ones. They may try to control where you go and what you wear. They may also blame you for their behaviour, or for any other challenges in their life and in their relationship with you. They may undermine and humiliate you either at home or in company. They may also fly into a rage when challenged, or withdraw any kind of affection or support if you do something that does not please them.